12-12

Hi there. I have a heat pack on my neck today because I am still suffering from this pain that is shooting up from my jaw to my ear and the scariest part, the top of my brow. Have been going through some things that are causing this pain. The good news is I am really trying to focus on myself and my job hunt. I didn't go to the Body Pump (weights) class last night because I was scared of injuring myself. I spent the day cleaning out my room, but I realized that in reality I wasn't throwing away much. I have a habit of holding on to things and people from the past. I've kept old cell phones, bills, invitations and birthday cards because I feel "bad" throwing them away. I can't wait to move out of my parents house once I get a new job so I can have a smaller space that will force me to get rid of some of my clutter. Last week I spoke to you about some goals that I had for the day. I didn't accomplish them on that particular day but within a week I did do all of them! Some were easier than others but it's almost like the universe helped me because I asked for it. The hardest one was apologizing to my father. We hadn't been talking for about a month or so (and living in the same house). With the help of my mom refereeing our argument, we kind of were able to patch things up. We did say a few hurtful things to each other again (we are both extremely sensitive) but at least we are on talking terms again =) You are probably wondering what this has to do with my eating right blog? Well, the reality is yes it's nice to be healthy and eat right but life just doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you go through times where you need some comfort food, you eat out of hurt or pain, or emotional stress. I hate to admit it but since my face has been hurting from the emotions I have been feeling for the past few days, I haven't been Miss Health Freak. But with everything that happens to us, good or bad, there is always a lesson to be learned. One of my favorite comfort foods is dairy. Of course it is, because I am lactose intolerant. Well, I am not positive that I am but ever time I eat it my stomach gets bloated.  I also have been eating some potatoes, rice, chocolate etc. As usual, I am being way to hard on myself. My overall eating has not been that bad, I am still eating fruits and last night although I had lots of rice (which was bulgur btw) I did also eat a nice portion of okra. I noticed that my schedule of eating is completely off. I wake up not wanting to eat until noon. Then I eat lunch (breakfast) few hours later I eat dinner, but then I get hungry around 11pm. No Bueno! When I lived alone I used to eat out alot and didnt really have much food in the house (very unhealthy) but the good thing was that after dinner I never snacked or had late night binges. I think when you are emotionally drained its sometimes hard to have control of things. I felt the need to baby myself and say its ok this week just do what you feel like, you will get back on track when the time is right. Tonight I am going to Nike Training club which kicks my butt! I have to remember not to eat a few hours before because last time I felt like I was going to puke. I applied to a few jobs yesterday so I am crossing my fingers. I wish I could get a nice massage right now but the good ones are usually so expensive =/ I can't wait to get back on track with working, living on my own and just being me again. I'm about to pop in the DVD "The Law of Attraction in Action" that my brother and his lovely wife lent me last night. I feel a bit like my spirit is dead so I need to wake it up and give it some love. I will let you know how it goes, excited about "Abraham's teachings" because Louise Hay talked about him in her CDs that I have listened to for about a year now. Also here are some goals for today:

-watch The Law of Attraction (tried this last night and passed out)
-eat a healthy breakfast lunch and dinner, no snacking in-between, and no late night eating
- apply for more jobs online
-clean out clothes, shoes and purses and make a donation and selling pile  (also a mom pile, she likes to go through my old things and wear them)
- stay positive and happy (sounds weird but sometimes you need a reminder)
-call the dentist about teeth clenching
-work out
-control getting angry at family members
-try to meet with some friends tonight to get out of this rut
- borrow some money from mom and dad for contacts and dentist (this is pretty hard on my ego after 5 years of being completely independent but I need to appreciate the fact that they are here for me)
-get health insurance (hopefully by finding a job ASAP with benefits)
-help someone
- blow dry my hair (sounds easy but some goals are easier than others right?)
-don't go on FB as much as possible because it's a waste of time
-pray every night and be thankful to wake up in the morning
-go to my other brothers house and restock his fridge and maybe buy him some nice flowers before he gets backfrom his trip, butter him up and ask him if I can move in ???