I've been bad =(

I haven't been blogging much lately because I confess I have not been behaving. I have been waking up and skipping breakfast, then having coffee or a late lunch and then dinner at night. I also have been drinking alcohol here and there and eating bad foods while dining out with friends and family..oh and the worst and most shameful one. I have been smoking =/ I know I am horrible and disgusting! BUT! there is hope. All these terrible things I have been doing to myself are teaching me lessons of how important it is to take care of the most important person ever (to me at least) ME! So let me tell you some of the things that I have been feeling..we will go from head to toe. So my hair has been feeling dry and lifeless, skin has been redish, getting breakouts and no glow. Bad taste in my mouth yuck! oh and hair smells yuck! clothes smell! back has been hurting...bloated ...I got an insect bite that has been inflamed to a golfball size, my clothes smell =( my car stinks! my clothes fit but my jeans sometimes feel like they are pressing against my belly =( and I can't breath! Last but not least I have the WORST ACID REFLUX!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I keep telling myself I am gonna get back on track but I am really having a hard time. Honestly I think its all emotional. I have been going through some tough times in my personal life. Not finding work, missing my independence and self confidence that I had when I had a job. I feel lost like I don't know my purpose in life is.I know what I am into; fashion,beauty,nutrition,self help spiritually etc. I also know what I am not into, a high paying job that doesn't fulfill me by making me feel creative or help feel good. So I know I shouldn't be whining and complaining but I am in my 30s and I feel like I need to get my shit together! excuse my francais. I dream of going to Paris and Italy...I also dream of sitting at a desk at an amazing job. I guess I don't know what I want. Dating is a whole other post.I am honestly done with dating for now and am ready to tackle on the job world. Sick of disappointing my heart and would like to wear a Tshirt my friend and I came up with that says "if you don't want a relationship stop reading this T shirt" lol. so I am done whining ...

Here is the next step. My road to wellness.

1-clean out any stinky cigarette smokey objects like car room clothes and hair lol

2-throw away cigarette pack even if there are 2 in there that I really wanna save for emergencies but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

3-work out every day whether its at the gym or going for a walk or hike 

4-eat right and make good choices even when out with friends

5-pack up my fridge with healthy options,,,go to the MARKET!!

ok so today I ate some Fage yogurt, I know yogurt is kinda fattening etc but I realised that I am having a really hard time with dairy cravings. Like I will go to the fridge and want to eat like a big peice of cheese with some bread yikes! or some lebni which is basically full fat strained yogurt...it's heavenly! so for lunch my mom had made dolma last night which I didnt have ..but instead of putting the regular fattening yogurt I put the fage on there which is high in protein. ok maybe I ate a little too much yogurt today, but thats what happens when you go to costco and buy big bins of stuff lol. Anyways dolma is like a greek/middle eastern food which is stuffed bell peppers and zuchini with ground beef and rice...i know I am sooo bad I ate meat and white rice! but this my friends is what we call comfort food. listen I am human and once in a while I am going to eat what my mother cooks only beacuse I am blessed to have her home made dishes. I do give her lectures on not making heavy meals but I made sure I had a small portion along with the healthier option yogurt and no pita bread ! it's ok its fine it's not that bad! plus i needed to carb up for later cause I am going to Nike Training club. As far as the cigarettes go last night I smoked alot! I was with a friend and we had a glass of white wine and smoked and smoked and smoked...well guess what today i feel like there is smoke in my brain. I dont know if you know what I mean by that but I literally feel the cigarettes like in my head..like this headeache of dehyrdtation like someone sucked the life out of my brain and took all the nutrients from inside of me! DAMN YOU !!! its ok ...we are gonna get through this and quit smoking for EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok time to hunt for jobs..I hope you enjoyed my crazy rant..